By Roj Faelnar || Illustration by Denine Latoja
The first thing Pisay hands you isn’t a textbook—it’s a title, heavy and gilded.
Iskolar ng bayan.
It sounds sweet, patriotic, noble even. But with that title comes a jarring realization that you study on borrowed time, borrowed money, and borrowed faith pulled from fields, offices, sari-sari stores, and jeepney routes.
It’s a strange kind of pride, knowing that you are quite literally being paid to be educated with the pooled chips of Filipino taxpayers. But pride has its twin—pressure. Pressure that gnaws at the back of your mind when grades slip lower than expected. Pressure that makes you hear past your teacher’s comments and into the echo of calloused hands that could have used the money spent on your education elsewhere. The tindera who counted coins at the palengke, the pedicab driver who wrestled through EDSA traffic, the OFW who sent remittances home only to be clipped by tax. Instead, their collective sacrifice amounted to your mistake on problem number three.
Pressure in Pisay isn’t a mood. It’s a roommate. It sits with you during 1 A.M. cram sessions, whispering: Someone else could’ve taken this slot, don’t be someone who wastes it. It walks with you across campus, reminding you that taxpayers are betting on your brain. It stares at you through your grades, every mark heavy with meaning.
To others, it’s a gift; to us, it’s a weight we can’t admit without sounding ungrateful. Officials call it a scholarship. Accountants call it public investment. I think of it as a debt, a gamble—a constant IOU tucked into every quiz paper, every lab report, every late-night light switch flipped on. With every assignment demanding an ROI in invisible ink: The nation gives, we must repay. Not later, not someday— now. With grades, with discipline, with the stubborn promise that we will not squander the sacrifices of millions.
So every time you scribble down an answer you know is wrong, it feels as if you’re wasting someone’s overtime pay. Every careless mistake on a test feels like a jeepney ride that went nowhere. Every late project is a wasted sack of rice from a farmer’s field. It’s not just failing—it’s an imagined headline: “Taxpayer-funded student fails biology quiz.”
It presses on your chest at night, when you wonder if you’re good enough, or if you’re just an expensive mistake, begging the question: Am I worth what they’ve given me?
The answer isn’t in medals or averages. It’s in the silent moments when you choose not to fold. It’s in the way you learn to respect the work that built this privilege, the labor of people who may never see your name but believe in the possibility it carries.
Because here’s the thing: we’re still kids. Yes, Pisay kids, but kids nonetheless. Not horses bred to race, or poker hands waiting to pay out, no, just teenagers who forget assignments, mess up equations, room-hop in the dorms, and sometimes bomb tests so badly all we can do is laugh about it. And that’s okay. It has to be okay. Nobody sane expects perfection from students still stumbling their way into who they’ll become. What’s expected is that we pull ourselves out of whatever hole we bury ourselves in, put on our uniforms, sling our bags over our shoulders and show up again anyway.
The weight of sacrifice behind our education doesn’t make Pisay scholars flawless. Far from it. What makes the experience human is precisely the stumble—the late nights where nothing seems to stick, the exams that undo weeks of review, the creeping thought that you are an impostor in a place designed for the exceptional. But perhaps that too, is part of the lesson: the nation isn’t asking you to ace every exam. It’s asking you to endure, to grow, to turn pressure into persistence.
Still, the fear never fully goes away. Even victories feel fleeting, because tomorrow’s exam waits, tomorrow’s deadline looms, and tomorrow’s stakes increase exponentially. Pressure doesn’t end—it evolves. But maybe that’s the hidden gift: pressure never lets you get complacent. It keeps you reaching, stretching, demanding more from yourself than you thought you could give.
As an iskolar ng bayan, the weight we carry is complicated. There’s a heaviness of always feeling the need to prove ourselves worthy of an education built on sacrifice. Then, there’s the messy reality of stumbling along the way, of effort ending in failure. The weight reminds us that we are tethered to something bigger, something shared. The scholarship is itself a kind of loan – not measured merely in pesos, but in trust. And yet, it is also the most rewarding debt one could bear, because it is the nation that entrusted it to you. Every stumble, then, is not disqualification, but test: proof that even faltering steps can still be toward service. Rising despite, or precisely because of it, is payment, however small, to the nation that taught you not just how to think, but why to matter.










