by Aine Latoja || Photo by Ashkinaz Canonoy

Everything, everywhere, all at once.

Picture this: you’ve finally reached the last year of high school, and everything seems much easier now. Class schedules are freer, memories of junior years reminisced, and there’s an air of ease and confidence that wasn’t there when high school first began. You think to yourself, ‘Finally, I’ve reached the end!’

Until college application season begins.

Everything: Entrance test schedules are announced, essays are suddenly due left and right, and recommendation letters are requested from teachers. All these things are happening, all at once. You knew it was coming, but in hindsight, the pandemic doesn’t really prepare you for the coming war that is college application season. The mere fact that the world was in turmoil added an extra layer of stress and uncertainty to an already daunting process. Despite all this, you have to push through.

While some already knew their path in life, most are still undecided— and that’s okay. How can big life decisions be made so early in life? (as if signing the Pisay contract at barely 12 years old was enough) Deadlines are suddenly placed on these major decisions and it’s up to you to find out what you really want. Ready or not, the world continues to go on with or without you.

Everywhere: And then it hits you. Imposter syndrome comes much like bumping into a wall of bricks. It suddenly strikes at 4 AM on a Sunday night as you’re finishing an application essay, once again when friends and family ask about your plans for college, and again when you’re staring at the ceiling pondering on what it is you really want. It’s a never ending cycle of not feeling enough and existential dread.

The waiting game begins once you click the submission button on your application. From suddenly being bombarded with endless requirements to doing almost nothing but sit there and wait. This is the time, you realize, to focus on senior year and live in the moment without thinking of the future for once.

All at once: The weight of the decisions you’re making hits you like a ton of bricks. Questions flood your mind: Who am I? What do I want? Can I live up to everyone’s expectations? It’s like standing on the edge of a cliff, staring into the vast unknown of the future, and realizing that you have to take a leap of faith.

At some point, the smoke clears. Is our identity formed as we grow? Or is it already within us, waiting to be discovered, like peeling the layers of an onion? Perhaps it’s a bit of both. College application season forces us to confront these questions head-on, forcing us to delve deep into our aspirations, fears, and desires. It’s a journey of self-discovery, a process of unraveling the complexities of our own identities and figuring out who we truly are and what we want out of life.

As the dust settles and the acceptance letters start rolling in, we begin to piece together the puzzle of our identities. Taking the next step forward into the unknown territory of college life, we must carry with us the lessons learned, the self-discoveries made, and the identities formed during this transformative journey.